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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Five

I "Discovered My Strengths" and out of the 34 themes measured, here are my top five.  I believe it describes me fairly well.


Developer
You see the potential in others. Very often, in fact, potential is all you see. In your view no individual is fully formed. On the contrary, each individual is a work in progress, alive with possibilities. And you are drawn toward people for this very reason. When you interact with others, your goal is to help them experience success. You look for ways to challenge them. You devise interesting experiences that can stretch them and help them grow. And all the while you are on the lookout for the signs of growth—a new behavior learned or modified, a slight improvement in a skill, a glimpse of excellence or of “flow” where previously there were only halting steps. For you these small increments—invisible to some—are clear signs of potential being realized. These signs of growth in others are your fuel. They bring you strength and satisfaction. Over time many will seek you out for help and encouragement because on some level they know that your helpfulness is both genuine and fulfilling to you.
Individualization
Your Individualization theme leads you to be intrigued by the unique qualities of each person. You are impatient with generalizations or “types” because you don’t want to obscure what is special and distinct about each person. Instead, you focus on the differences between individuals. You instinctively observe each person’s style, each person’s motivation, how each thinks, and how each builds relationships. You hear the one-of-a-kind stories in each person’s life. This theme explains why you pick your friends just the right birthday gift, why you know that one person prefers praise in public and another detests it, and why you tailor your teaching style to accommodate one person’s need to be shown and another’s desire to “figure it out as I go.” Because you are such a keen observer of other people’s strengths, you can draw out the best in each person. This Individualization theme also helps you build productive teams. While some search around for the perfect team “structure” or “process,” you know instinctively that the secret to great teams is casting by individual strengths so that everyone can do a lot of what they do well.
Adaptability
You live in the moment. You don’t see the future as a fixed destination. Instead, you see it as a place that you create out of the choices that you make right now. And so you discover your future one choice at a time. This doesn’t mean that you don’t have plans. You probably do. But this theme of Adaptability does enable you to respond willingly to the demands of the moment even if they pull you away from your plans. Unlike some, you don’t resent sudden requests or unforeseen detours. You expect them. They are inevitable. Indeed, on some level you actually look forward to them. You are, at heart, a very flexible person who can stay productive when the demands of work are pulling you in many different directions at once.
Connectedness
Things happen for a reason. You are sure of it. You are sure of it because in your soul you know that we are all connected. Yes, we are individuals, responsible for our own judgments and in possession of our own free will, but nonetheless we are part of something larger. Some may call it the collective unconscious. Others may label it spirit or life force. But whatever your word of choice, you gain confidence from knowing that we are not isolated from one another or from the earth and the life on it. This feeling of Connectedness implies certain responsibilities. If we are all part of a larger picture, then we must not harm others because we will be harming ourselves. We must not exploit because we will be exploiting ourselves. Your awareness of these responsibilities creates your value system. You are considerate, caring, and accepting. Certain of the unity of humankind, you are a bridge builder for people of different cultures. Sensitive to the invisible hand, you can give others comfort that there is a purpose beyond our humdrum lives. The exact articles of your faith will depend on your upbringing and your culture, but your faith is strong. It sustains you and your close friends in the face of life’s mysteries.
Input
You are inquisitive. You collect things. You might collect information—words, facts, books, and quotations—or you might collect tangible objects such as butterflies, baseball cards, porcelain dolls, or sepia photographs. Whatever you collect, you collect it because it interests you. And yours is the kind of mind that finds so many things interesting. The world is exciting precisely because of its infinite variety and complexity. If you read a great deal, it is not necessarily to refine your theories but, rather, to add more information to your archives. If you like to travel, it is because each new location offers novel artifacts and facts. These can be acquired and then stored away. Why are they worth storing? At the time of storing it is often hard to say exactly when or why you might need them, but who knows when they might become useful? With all those possible uses in mind, you really don’t feel comfortable throwing anything away. So you keep acquiring and compiling and filing stuff away. It’s interesting. It keeps your mind fresh. And perhaps one day some of it will prove valuable.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Love

What is love? That's a question every love story asks.  What I'm interested in knowing is who am I when in love?  My first love, pictured here, brought out the best sides of me.  When I was 15 he taught me that I'm beautiful, he taught me that I deserve respect.  Not only was he the first boy to ever tell me that I'm beautiful, he was the first to make me FEEL beautiful. When I was with him, who I was seemed different, better.  Nothing can or ever will compare to that love.  I became in love with love, when I moved away from him I wanted that feeling back more than anything.

Since him I have loved many.  The people that I have loved have really effected who I am.  I have lived my life going from one love to the next, changing again and again.  I didn't care about figuring out who I was, all I wanted was to be the one for whoever it was I loved at that time.  Looking back, that was an awful habit.  Because now, now I'm 24 and less sure of who I am than ever before.

I never bothered having dreams of my own, I am a bandwagon dreamer. Whatever my "love" wanted for his future I wanted as well.  I wanted the same thing so badly that they became my dreams. Unfortunately that meant that when the love ended, so did those dreams, losing a love is hard enough, losing dreams was salt on the wound.

Here I am, without a "love," and without dreams.

A huge part of me doesn't want love, doesn't want dreams.  I just want to live on my own, raise my son, and that will be my life. But see, there I go doing it again, I'm sure you can see it already, my son's dreams will become mine.  I suppose it could be worse, I could be one of those parents who has such big dreams for their children that they prevent their children from ever trying for their own.

Amanda means lovable, fit to be loved...that seems to be a pattern as well. I feel like everyone I've loved has loved me more than I love them.  I don't have faith that it will last, so I guard myself, I don't allow myself to love like I did the first time. Unfortunately that's another thing my first "love" taught me, love can end.  I've heard so many times that if it ended then it never was love, I beg to differ, because there are men that I have loved, that I still love, that I'm not with because of logic...it wasn't logical to stay with them.  Often because I couldn't see myself succeeding with their dreams.

Now that I'm not riding the bandwagon of someone else's dream I suppose I should work on loving the one I'm stuck with for life...myself. I should work on becoming someone worth loving, not for a "him," but for me.

Here goes nothing.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Idea

I dreamed last night of a place I long
A place I feel welcome, a place I belong
A place that will always bring satisfaction
A place where ideals are matched with action
To people who strive to do their best
And people who really care about the rest.

This place is simple, yet so complex
Nothing breaks so nothing is fixed
A place free from discrimination and race
These social restrictions never enter this place
Hipocracy and materialism aren't known
And the stream of honesty is forever flown

A place where love is the only key
For everyone to feel content and free
Then I awake from this tremendous place
To realize that this world was merely a trace
And I was left with what seemed
Was simply an idea, simply a dream.