Yada

As my son is getting older, I'm finding more and more that the other parents in his class want to compare their children's accomplishments. Counting to a hundred, memorizing planets, writing their whole name, etc. I found myself chiming into a conversation with another parent, saying yes my son can name like a hundred different fish species, names and correctly pronounces who knows how many dinosaurs, can write his first name, knows he lives in Fernley, Nevada in America...yada yada yada. However, I got to thinking. What do I want my son to know that can't really be measured? There's things that, in my opinion, are so much more important. Maybe it's because I know that studies have shown that early academic pressure leads to early burn out, (ever met a 4th grader who loses motivation, stops progressing? I bet they went to an academic preschool ;)) but really I'm gonna go with my gut on this one. My gut tells me what I want my child to know.

He should know that he is loved, wholly and unconditionally, 100% of the time. He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that eh can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn't feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and his family will back them up. He should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy, and use his imagination. He should know that it is always ok to paint the sky orange and give dogs 6 legs. He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, I as his parent should realize he'll learn them soon enough and let him immerse himself in castles, coloring, dinosaurs, or messy play. He should know that the world is magical and that so is he. He should know that he is wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvelous. He should know that it is just as worthy to spend the day outside digging for China, dinosaur bones, and hidden treasure as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that--way more worthy.

In the moment of conversation I don't find myself in a position to explain the more important things to fellow parents. So I'll share them here instead.

First and foremost, EVERY CHILD LEARNS AT HIS OR HER OWN PACE. Say it with me now: "My child learns at his/her own pace." Yes there's a span of time that skills are preferred to be learned, but when you're the parent of a typical child, don't rush it.

Want to know the big secret to high academic achievement and high ACT scores? Reading to your child. Doesn't matter what fancy preschool, high tech devices that claim to teach, flash cards, or any of that fancy shmancy stuff that you buy them. Your child will learn far more by you taking the time, day or night (in the bath for those wiggly kids), to sit and read to them books. And allow me to emphasize the part that you the parent take in this scenario, you're the important piece, books on tape do not count, especially to pre-literate children that end up focusing on hearing that "chime" to tell them to turn the page.

Being the smartest kid in class, doesn't make them the happiest kid in class. We all get so caught up in trying to give our children "advantages" that we're giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. Look back on your childhood, you're not going to remember the days that you had to do hours of homework, you remember the carefree days of swing sets, building forts, and playing in the sun all day long. Give your child a life worth remembering.

Our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. I guarantee most of you could get rid of 90% of your children's toys and they wouldn't be missed, but some things are important--building toys like legos and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials, musical instruments (real ones!), dress up clothes, and books, books books. All of these things can be picked up for cheap at your closest thrift store, courtesy of the parents that choose the v-tech laptop over the books that they don't know why their child isn't interested in.

Most of all, children need more of us, the parent. I hear all too often the excuse from a parent saying they need time for themselves as an excuse to make everyone else in the world take care of their child. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 (what? only 10???) minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as a family day. This is not ok! Our children don't need iPads, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practices nearly as much as they need US. They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like bafoons with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they’re a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.

No, it's not easy, yes we live in a society that it is becoming more and more rare to find a stay at home mom, but come on, think of what, above all else, you want for your child and you just might find the opportunity to maybe take things down a notch and be happier yourself.

As a teacher I do understand the importance of learning somewhat specific things by a certain age group, so here's a website to refer to grades preschool through 12th: http://www.worldbook.com/typical-course-of-study?wbredirect=1&Itemid=216 And I cannot stress enough that this list does not dictate your child's intelligence by any means, a child learns what they are exposed to, if you find something on these lists that your child doesn't know yet, find FUN ways to help them get there.