Guts

The electrician says I'm being courageous.  I'm trying to be.  My goal is to lessen this feeling day by day, week by week, until it no longer strikes a nerve.  I can't avoid this, I can't go under it, I can't go over it, I must go through it.  So I'm handling this the only way I know how, facing it head on.  I was presented with what was once my biggest fear, here I am, still standing, breathing, living.  The fear is still there, but it no longer controls me.
As mentioned before, the electrician suggested I write a letter.  I'm not going to.  I have nothing to say to him, there's nothing I want from him. Even if he were alive, there's nothing he could say or do to create any sort of closure.  I get to choose how I feel, not him.
What happened wasn't about me, it had nothing to do with who I am.  The result of what happened is about me, it is about who I am, and it's up to me to decide who I become as a result.
Maybe I don't need to morph into anything from my turtle self to face the bear at the end of this hunt. I could just put on a bandana, eat a lot of pizza, live in the sewer, and take some advice from Splinter.  Wouldn't be the first time I've been a ninja.

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear." - Mark Twain
"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if you have to dig a little." - Tori Amos