Play Date

For the first time Colbert and I had a play date with a friend from his school. He's had play dates in the past, but this was the first one that I didn't already know the parent. I must say that I was nervous. At the end I found myself wishing I could just mess up my kid unknowingly like everyone else in the world.

The second the other parent found out I use to be a home visitor (a parent educator that goes in the home to help parents understand their child's development), I suddenly got put on a pedal-stool. She observed my interactions with my son and asked numerous questions on what techniques I used. I found myself unsure of how to answer any of her questions, not because I didn't know the answers, but because I hadn't gotten to know her own parenting preferences so there was no way to really know what to suggest that could work for her child. Plus, I just wanted to be another parent, talking about the typical gripes we encounter with our kids.

I've gotten really good at flipping my child development switch. In the past I would go to a park and analyze every child's development, pinpointing what skills they delayed in, which they were typical and which ones were a result of the parenting styles, all without intent, just happened. It drove me nuts, I couldn't enjoy playing with my child at the park. I had intended to turn that switch off during the play date, but this mom was pretty much flipping it on. It caught me off guard.

At one point she asked me "Where do you find all of your patience and remain so calm?" I didn't know what to say. I stumbled over my words trying to figure out where to begin an explanation. I didn't want to tell her that it comes naturally, which is how it feels now, because then she'd lose all hope, plus it didn't use to be natural for me. I'm guessing she expected me to pull out some magic trick, some one explanation to easy going parenting, which there is none. She had asked this right after I managed to appropriately intervene with a potential fight between the two boys, which is an automatic thing for me. Leading up to this moment her son had thrown a lot of tantrums and was just generally overwhelmed. My own assessment of the cause was a variety of things, but I was there as a mom, not as a teacher, so I didn't feel like my suggestions could be received well.

Bear was being an exemplary version of himself, which didn't help matters in terms of showing that I'm just like any other mom that gets irritated by their child from time to time. I could tell she felt the need to present herself as a well put together super mom, I'll have to brainstorm ways to lessen the pressure. As a home visitor I feel as though the parents I met generally began to feel at ease when they realized that I wasn't there to judge them, but to help them. However I don't know if I can really approach it the same way during a play date, since I'm not there to help...it's a social situation of unfamiliar territory for me.

Overall it was a good new experience for me. Despite feeling like I was a home visitor all over again, which isn't bad by any means, just different from what I anticipated. Maybe next time I will just approach the inquiry like I did as a home visitor, I already have a plethora of suggestions I could make in order for her parenting life to get incredibly easier. Granted the easy part comes after laying the foundation that is very hard and requires great dedication and consistency.

I had a parent tell me that I should become a baby whisperer. Maybe becoming a baby/toddler/child whisperer isn't so far fetched after all.