Best

Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss.

 It's not just Sammantha that I miss.  It's having a best friend.  Someone I can talk to.  Someone that I can call in the middle of the night when I'm having a silly meltdown over something that anyone else in the world wouldn't listen to, someone who would say I'm being silly but would at least listen to me.  Someone who knows everything that is going on in my life and I know everything in theirs.  I miss having someone to call up for advice, someone that i don't have to explain a huge long story to just to get that advice because they already know all the tiny details to it.  I wish I were willing to have that type of person in my life again.  My first best friends were Danielle (can't remember last name) and Patrick Fraiser, I moved away from them in the 2nd grade and never saw them again.  I remember going to Patrick's birthday party and he kissed me.  In the second grade I met Nick Buonforte and Jessica Harmon, both became my best friends.  I remember Nick gave me his CTR ring and I liked him so much, and Jess was the coolest girl in school that every guy had a crush on.  Then in 5th grade I met Samm, and it wasn't before long that people couldn't keep our names straight, I got called Sammantha, she got called Amanda.  Then Sarah Forster became my best friend, we rode the bus to school together and were as silly as silly could be.  Then once we hit high school Sarah was in marching band so I joined color guard, which led Sydney Hunt and I to become best friends.  I could tell Sydney anything, we were convinced that we were soul sisters.  Sophomore year I had moved to Fernley NV, where I met Sandra Stevenson we both bonded over the fact that we hated Fernley.  Out of everyone from Provo the two that kept in contact with me were Megan Butler and Kasey Westphal.  I talked to Megan and Kasey constantly through the rest of my high school years.

Out of all of them I'm still close friends with Megan and Sandra, but they don't know the ins and outs of my life anymore, they both live hours and hours away.  I've kept just about everyone away from me since high school.  I've become close with coworkers through the years, I love my coworker Vanessa Ralston, I would be a total mess right now without her (ok a bigger mess lol) and I really appreciate her.  But I keep everyone at a distance.  I don't think I'm capable of being a best friend to anyone, so it's silly of me to think I should even have one.  I've managed to get myself stuck in Fernley, and any friends that I could potentially have more involved in my life are in Reno.  To me it's only an hour away, but to the people I befriend...they don't invite me to things because they don't think it's worth making me drive all the way there for.  None of them can just come to my house when they need someone to hang out with.  When they make last minute plans to go out, I can't be invited because it would require them waiting around for an hour for me to show up.

Alright so this blog sesh has turned into an awful pity party and I need to just stop.  I have far more friend and family than I know what to do with, the level at which I am close to them doesn't matter.  What matters is that I am always loyal and I am there for them when I can be.  And deep down, if I were ever in a position where having them with me is the only thing that could make something right, I know they'd be there for me at the drop of a hat too.